THE BLACK CEILING

December 14, 2001 (journal by blair)

Well, tonight I am painting. It is a gift I've given to myself. It is my birthday in a few days and I was trying to think of something inexpensive and unique I could do with myself. So I'm painting the ceiling of my bar.

To give you an idea of the environment here...this old hotel is in the direct center of town. The new Mayor comes over every day to check up on me and make sure I'm doing okay. I have been in here working on this place for 40 days and 40 nights. So far I only know the Mayor, Mark the Plumber, and Marge the bar owner up the street. Anyway, they'll all be here for New Years along with apparently everyone else.

Tonight it is after midnight. And I am drinking coffee. Paint thick on my hands...feels good...reminding me that I am first an artist. (Remember people, we are made in our Creator's image. Thus first and foremost we are all creators. You included.)

I got my Course in Miracles tapes playing in the background. I got my black boots leather wrapping round my feet. I got the Mayor's ladder and I am ten feet high in the air, brush in hand, gallon of black paint, looking down on my burgundy red bar.

My future roommates are driving somewhere out there in America right now and making a beeline direct to this hotel. They have a moving truck loaded with furniture and other house goodies. In a way I could consider Damien alone a birthday gift from the Universe. I love his music. I'm honored to be his friend. He calls me brother. And now I'm going to get to live with him in this incredible experiment.

What a trip. What a gift to be out of Los Angeles and immersing oneself fully into an environment like this.

I'm changing as an artist. In the last month alone I've felt the shifts enjoy their new magnitude. I wasn't so sure for a while there, life had gotten so cruel over the last few years. But I'm aware of it now. I'm really looking forward to re-introducing myself and my creation process to all of you. Mom, you have no idea the kind of visions your son sees. Tonight there is a Solar eclipse in the Sagittariun sky, surrounded by five planets, and I am feeling the new moon like a set of wings on an angel. My god I am one with the paint.

So I'm up here on this ladder right now -red bar beneath me. The ceiling had those cheap office tiles across it...the drop ceiling kind like, well, like in an office. It was in pretty good shape except for some water stains. The Mayor suggested I just paint over the cardboard tiles. White paint, of course, is what everyone had in mind.

So after he left I got started. But the monkey in me got curious and I poked my head up above the drab cardboard office tiles to see the hidden antique ceiling above it. It was like finding a hidden pirate treasure. Oh yes, three feet higher boasted a ceiling from the turn of the century... 80 feet long...tin...designed with endless flower arrangements pressed into the metal. A lot of the old white paint on it was chipping off for years. It had been denigrated an eyesore. But I, I think to myself, I could restore you to your original glory. O, I will polish you in these midnight hours. I will caress my paint-smeared fingers across your every curve. I will swim deep into the waves of this breathing canvas.

In the morning the Mayor will walk in and wonder how this had happened...and when!? When could he have done this!?

I say all this to you now, beloved readers that I may be reaching, because one day you will visit here and be sitting beneath this very black ceiling. You will be seated at this grand wood bar. You will perhaps have a moment when no one is speaking to you. Music rich around your head like a warm blanket. Seated at this bar, glancing around, perhaps the taste of red wine on your lips, and you will notice in the darkness the ceiling above you...her rich black beauty, just the hints of gleam off her iron, an ebony crown in the sky...and you will recall my painting it, and what treasure these hours have meant to me.

Michelangelo painted a ceiling and it was worth losing his eyesight over. I'm crying right now.

-Blair